Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML
Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
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Top comments
andiewithlove 21
She does, however, have dangerously high levels of bitch.
Steve95401 49
I remember an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" where someone was treated for that condition.
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Comments (70)
sugarshane007 20
Well I'm not entirely sure what to say. Just be aware of anyone needing time off for new pipe to be laid.
jetsown08 21
And be aware of any workplace plummets looking to snake her drain.
sugarshane007 20
Also handyman are also of suspicion. They are known for their drywall being well hung.
lambda_fml 40
Im sure DocB must have a cure for that!
Steve95401 49
I remember an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" where someone was treated for that condition.
CharresBarkrey 16
Pretty much all of them.
lilhellian 27
Refer her to Quagmire then..
chell1894 13
Giggity
andiewithlove 21
She does, however, have dangerously high levels of bitch.
da_directioner39 17
And her writing has very low levels of comprehension.
howdeedoo 22
Legibility, not comprehension
da_directioner39 17
Sorry. I just forgot the word at the moment.
sunkistfitch 4
36- you should be thumbed down for your name specifically.
sens3sfailing 25
36 has explained they aren't a fan and it is a gag name. Also i do not think it appropriate to judge ones comments purely off of their music taste, regardless of how terrible it is.
spekledworf 18
I filled out a time off request to get drunk and party. I put a sode note that if said request was granted, my manager was welcome to get drunk as well. It was granted, but I was disappointed to see that she was a no show at the party
blazon_paradox 23
Next time, OP, just say something about it not being neat enough to file.
ICastillo 25
Well Op next time tell her you can't read her shitty hand writing. Maybe that's why she is a bitch she needs the D.
buckdharma 38
Don't laugh. This sounds like an extreme case of dicktheria.
lambda_fml 40
No, more like acute dictipation.
laurenlovesjb 20
Why would you be embarrassed about not being able to read someone's writing? It's their fault that it's sloppy.
MidnaLink 35
I'll say! I'm surprised how some people still have the handwriting of a 12 year old.
klovemachine 24
I'm surprised some people even write anymore :O
MidnaLink 35
Sadly, I think klovemachine has the correct answer.
Pyapi 20
Sadly, some of us have very bad handwriting. I know my handwriting isn't the best, I've tried numerous times to make it neater. I usually try to write very slowly and to make it as legible as possible when writing for someone else; I don't expect them to read my handwriting as well as I do! If I have the option to type it, though, I use it because it's a sure-way method it will be readable.
Sputnikspak 13
This can actually be due to a learning disability called dysgraphia. Both my brother and one of my friends have it. My brother's case is pretty mild, but his handwriting hasn't changed since he was ten. It's legible, but childlike - and he has to really focus to make it legible. Notes he leaves for himself just look like scribbles. My friend has a much worse case of it. She struggles to write a sentence and until she was diagnosed in 9th grade (and allowed to do all assignments on a computer) she caught a lot of ribbing, even from teachers, for her handwriting. My 10th grade physics teacher once told me I have "ugly girl writing. Girls are supposed to write all loopy and neat and pretty and your handwriting looks like my Dad's."
ToxicFuel 6
what disease?? the bitch wrote the whole thing awfully, but on purpose, just to get some time off for her own leisure... I thought that was obvious..
howdeedoo 22
You should have referred her to your skydiving instructor. He probably would have been eager to fix he problem
pipinya 8
Solid referencing there, 11!
jetsown08 21
That was a dick move by your boss. Still, it was pretty ballsy of you to sign that paper without understanding it. Maybe your workplace needs to lay out some guidelines for granting leaves.