Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
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Top comments
007type 26
Shit just got real.
rlr386 8
Even though that sucks for you both, props to you for being a gentleman and letting her go first.
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Comments (184)
freshberries22 17
You just gotta love that half priced foreign food. (I'm only making an assumption I'm not sure what op ate.) I'm sorry you had gastrointestinal distress op, but at least you made your girlfriend happy by letting her use the bathroom first. Not too many people would do that and trust me if you had not forfeited the bathroom for your girlfriend, your life would be extremely unpleasant right now.
NightHawk387 22
I'm sure it is quite unpleasant right now anyway.
katties 27
That's a real gentleman-move!
greatdanen 6
******** your pants has never been more noble
JustASmallTownBo_fml 7
If you know what he means...
the_illuminated 4
I got good poisoning and JIZZED IN MY PANTS.
rocker_chick105 31
Good poisoning? There is poisoning that's good? So good that you **** in your pants? Gosh where have I been....
wtffml1979 22
And then you turned 12 yrs old?
wtffml1979 22
stupidpplsuck 33
i'm pretty sure you meant food not good the f and g are right next to each other
naya_bingi 11
Oh, the irony.
OhDearBetrayal 25
40- Yes, Hitler poisoning was very good poisoning.
supersmeg12345 10
Been there it. Blows major ass chunks. Good lookin' out for the gf tho.
supportcommand 17
Ass chunks !! Ha ha ha!
maz95 17
That's pretty shitty but good of you for letting your girlfriend go first.
zombieslayer83 19
FIRE IN THE HOLE! But for real at least you were a gentleman, props.
DeadxManxWalking 27
Least you were a gentlemen about it
sammyjanette 17
And that ladies is how you know your boyfriend loves you!
KM96 24
That's nice, how in a crappy situation, you put ladies first :) Very gentlemanly indeed ;)