Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
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Top comments
takeapieandrun 9
At least he pooped in the trashcan...
Argento1301 0
sounds like a fun guy
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Comments (61)
gumzy 6
THATS ******* GREAT !!!!!!
alexvegaboy 0
ahhh this sound too funny to be true and im single ;)
talb1 7
No one cares. :)
15thPrestige 0
Haha, Penis.
citybiotch 0
I would hope your single.... u r like what?? 12???
alexvegaboy 0
thats cuz ur gay
Crimsonhead 0
You were far too accommodating. You should've left him outside....and called the cops, asking them to remove the drunk bum from your property. What sort of disrespectful arsehat shows up at someone's home, in such a condition.
DropDead77 11
if you can't fight 'em, join 'em! bottoms up(:
talb1 7
If you can't beat them, join them.
DropDead77 11
said both ways, fighting the drunk makes more sense then beating.. in this case
hebron77 0
I don't know, beating drunks sounds kinda fun.
DrownTheClown 0
I hope you took out the trash.. Or at least used febreeze.
Forlorn420 9
he sounds swell!!!
15thPrestige 0
Pfft, who says "swell" how old are you? F-ing 60 years old? Just shut up, and prestige.
ichikibobivopula 0
you know, he kinda does. in a drunk sort of way.
bobkim302 0
Well that would be the last time that would ever happen. He would never come back to my house again.
jt_ski17 0
How often does that happen anyways?
BigBagel 0
boys will be boys
jrtepechis 6
guess he's still partying
marmots 0
If he ever becomes a dad, he'll be a great role model.
hebron77 0
There's this really funny video about that on YouTube by college humor. It's called something like FratBoy Dad. You should check it out.