Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML
Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML
Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
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Top comments
friedpwnadge 25
That stinks.
Fuaaad1994 31
Next time you to play scrabble, have a meal with beans and eggs. Fight fire with fire.
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Comments (61)
beaverteaser 16
smells like she was in it to win
gbrodee1 5
*Leans in close to grandma* inhales deeply through nose,"you are in it to win"
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Playing ******* house rules?
olpally 33
Good seeing ya grandma! Bye! Hope you walked away. Blah!
gbrodee1 5
Grandma, there is a difference between fist bump and fisting.
jsp16 24
"FML" grannies are scary.
oddities 20
Sadly, this FML grandma sounds like my paternal grandma. I can relate to way too many FMLs.
cook4money 9
Your grandma is awesome. Who cares if they are in the scrabble dictionary. obviously she was just having fun. I'm giving you a ydi for not being able to enjoy having fun with your awesome grandmother.
GeneralStew 7
I like spending time with my grandma she is nice :P
JuzReading 23
Does she bake you cookies?
GeneralStew 7
She does chocolate chip with almonds mmmmmm :P
zandalee 20
FML Grannies rule! So going to grow old disgracefully... Rock on FML Grannies!!
oddities 20
They're fun unless you have one. Then it's terrible.
BubbleGrunge 18
It's terrible to have a grandma, #25?
oddities 20
#35, well, some grandmas … But I digress. I meant one that's FML material. Is that now clear enough for you? I don't particularly feel up to elaborating further so, I'll cross my fingers.
adair112 15
can't argue with grandma
MRP360 14
sounds like the start of a febreeze commercial