Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked, then said, "You know he can't swim right?" FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
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Top comments
fuckedPriceless 17
At least his mind hasn't aged!
swplphlsgois13 9
Well jokes on him if he has to buy you a new phone
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Comments (74)
gracehi 33
Clearly, his skin has gotten wrinkled but not thick.
JohnTheLad 13
Your father may have been doing something crazy here. Perhaps a moment in time only a father and son would know or recognize.
mea_iloveskiing 26
But you can get dry :D
TXFernwoods 26
It could of been worse. What if you said that to your mother on her birthday?
oooohmygosh 8
Hmm someone seems to be having a bad birthday. Next time pull him in with you! :)
ef88 1
Wait where do you live it's February and you still have your pool open....
justindrew14 29
Lol your the only one that caught that probably like Florida or California or near there.
Enslaved 38
I'm in Miami, Florida. It was 82 degrees here. :P The FMLs used to say which city the OPs were writing from but now on the newer app-- it just says example: "United States". Not sure why that changed?
Mauskau 36
I'm from the UK and we have our pool open. Well.. the pool cover flew away in the wind as it's so windy. We used our pool once last year. :
nix1993 41
It still says the state for me, it says 'United States (California)'.
ASBriere 8
Still better than having sand dumped in your driveway
perdix 31
I didn't think I had to be so obvious. I should have written, "phone-E. Get it? Like someone who is obsessed with his phone."
canupls 6
Man, today is just not your day is it?
SaucyGirl106 18
guess you could say that you made a splash at that party?
flame5768 14
nah he was probably a wet blanket after he fell
yarani 26
Sucks about the phone, otherwise you deserved it :P