Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML
Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML
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Top comments
mirmir48 13
this is not how cocaine works
SquirrelRulingtheWorld 8
This is why we don’t eat food that doesn’t belong to us.
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Comments (20)
Jhanny Quesada Aguila 2
call BS , why would cocaine be on a donut and and as soon as it hits your lips you would know
BurnInDemonFire 39
Tegridy Donuts must be a part of the Christmas Special.
JackWood 21
Ahh yeah I can remember the good ole days when we used to snort donuts!
sweetbitch92420 4
I'd love to come home and eat a cocaine filled donut lol
youstupidfuckingidiot 5
This is the actually dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Wow.
Justin Carpenter 11
Where did he get these donuts from lol
Dima Kras 2
I call bullshit on this post. Ain't nobody wasting cocaine on donuts
millsjoshua949 12
Your roommate wasted cocaine on donuts??? That seems.....odd.
randybryant799 21
I'm really confused by this one. I cannot imagine anyone who would waste coke in such a fashion. That would cost a fortune. Maybe you just thought it was cocaine.