Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
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Top comments
machiko_fml 0
Haha. I think he wanted to take a bath too.
skyeyez9 25
Its a perv spider, watching you bathe. It was gonna use it's spider legs to give you a scalp massage and lather the shampoo in your hair.
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Comments (195)
GiggidyPants 0
i woulda punched that mother ******* spider thru the wall
iampunk 0
LMFAO!
duhh10 0
she's the man
kellykerplunkk 0
UGHH no :| that's horrible aha.
zem5 0
agreed
lgs25 0
I like your hair lol
skyeyez9 25
Its a perv spider, watching you bathe. It was gonna use it's spider legs to give you a scalp massage and lather the shampoo in your hair.
xdeadxradiox 0
Aha! That's a mental image I actually quite enjoyed! Thank you! :D
Quest_ 13
Hahaha, I concur, that mental image is ******* hilarious. And horrifying.
Graawr 7
I would've fainted. =| seriously. D:
wwerulez14 6
I was going to write a comment on how the creeper spider would have raped you if you fainted, but I guess the FML app doesn't have a sense of humor, and wouldn't post it.
TheNewGuy03 29
granted, people have their own preferences as far as pets go, but i personally hold the belief that "pet" and "tarantula" shouldn't even be in the same sentence. ****, i got pissed when a cricket made its way into my shower. a tarantula? :/ |the kid|
Siji 0
My pet got bit by a tarantula. I kiled that ************.
TheNewGuy03 29
yep, that thing would be too dead. and for all those people calling it "adorable" and "cute," the damn thing can be cute...far away from me, in its natural habitat and shit. nothing is welcome in my shower except me. |the kid|
demarcusT 0
what about the ladies?
TheNewGuy03 29
i make exceptions for them! |the kid|
GoColts8718 0
Put it in the toilet so wen ur bro is usin it it jumps out at him
tencentsakiss 19
Am I weird to think that that is adorable? He just wanted a nice comfy bubble bath too. Is that so wrong.
Quest_ 13
YES
TheNewGuy03 29
well, next time you're having a lovely bath (or anything considered peaceful), we'll be sure to conveniently place a tarantula or other similarly ridiculously large spider in the same place, and we'll sit back and watch...or something. |the kid|
Honda288 2
Damn straight! That thing can bathe in it's water bowl.
Selena_is_back 7
omfg...
Jenny444_fml 0
Awww I have a pet tarantula lol there cute :) well anyways sucks that your shower was ruined =
tencentsakiss 19
Exactly. Yay!! I'm not the only one.
GDIalex 11
In Soviet Russia, it would be a bear, not tarantula.
CloudEnvy 17
It'd have to be a pretty good book to allow a bear to sneak up to you though.
illmatic2 16
I usually HATE Soviet Russia jokes. But that was pretty funny.
Selena_is_back 7
not really