Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML
Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML
Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML
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Top comments
Ithildyn 5
I never imagined "emergency rapping" would be a skill one would need to keep safe in life.... I stand corrected.
ironwords 8
Still better then Kesha
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Comments (132)
zingline89 18
He's a crapper rapper
DocBastard 40
You actually just put the "rap" in "crap".
silentbutfunny 0
This... This right here is golden material. In all seriousness, do you, doc, ever have, presently, or intend to do stand up?
THE_A_TEEN 28
What's, with, all the, commas,?
silentbutfunny 0
I suppose the one after "seriousness," was unessessary, but the parts after were.
timmy_00738618 4
You should've beat his ass
timmy_00738618 4
I mean are you serious? Some guy made you rap with him to slop on my knob? And you didn't kick his ass? He wouldn't have even put his hands on me. Don't take that bullshit dude
jonriise18 3
Ooooh. Scary!
hateevryone 15
lmao. this is too funny.
1PaulyD 9
start hitting the gym and get big so you have more confidence in yourself in situations like this... but its good you knew ur level in the alpha male order and rapped along.. other wise you wouldve got beat up bra bra
CharliesCool2084 8
Good plan.
misfitmonroe 4
Looks like you checked in and did your job.
Dcm210 19
some people are ignorant.
BeccaHugs 17
This actually made me laugh out loud. Tough luck op.
causticgirl 6
Thank you OP for one of the funniest FMLs ever. I just laughed a very nice red wine out my nose
TheLoneWandererX 2
Now the ever burning question is... Why were you drinking red winr while reading FML's?
causticgirl 6
It was late and I like red wine. Nothing wrong with that...
effedml 5
Agreed. This was absolutely hilarious. One of the best FML's ever.
soupisyummy 13
I guess you could say the drunken man's rapping career has gone down the toilet (x