Today, I was having a Christmas Eve party and my sewer got backed up. Everyone had to go home and now I have to wait until Monday to get it fixed. It's a 15-minute drive to the local McDonald's to take a crap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom opens at McDonald's, and I go with her to chill before walking to the bus stop. The lobby was closed. I had to shit so bad, I was knocking on the door, and usually they let me in, but nobody noticed. I had to shit so incredibly bad. so… I went into the car and found an old McDonald's cup and some napkins… FML
Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
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Top comments
cj89898 24
Well that's a shi... I'll sto... nope that's overrated too. What do I do now?
staffsgtkiba 5
get a shit bucket
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Comments (18)
tj4234 36
Wait... what about on Christmas Day? Are stores open in America?
Magnoxidans 19
Shitty situation to be in..!
Colon_Man 17
It's a five second walk out to the back porch.
tounces7 28
Check Craigslist. Sometimes small companies will come out for a reasonable rate. If I was in Delaware I'd help you myself.
fyvaprold 11
Don't flush "flushable" sanitary products (other than toilet paper).
murph_fml 21
Why does nobody know how to shit without a toilet? Jesus, put a trash bag in a bucket. It's how we get thru the winter when the pipes freeze!
CGPainting 0
I'm not saying that it would be particularly pleasant, but if I were you, I would just poop inside of a bucket or something, and keep that bucket outside except when you have to poop. It wouldn't be fun, and it would stink, but I'd rather just have momentary self-control, than waste like 45 minutes of my day driving all the way to McDonalds and back, just taking a sh*t. Plus, you would be wasting a lot of gas and wear-and-tear on your car. Not a smart investment. Plus, it would be awkward walking into McDonalds just to poop... Probably even more awkward than my suggestions! And if you get food there, the food there is very bad for you. Worst case scenario, just pop a squat in your backyard and poop and bring some toilet paper. You do know it'll just decompose in a few weeks and turn into soil, right? That's the way nature works. Bacteria and organisms and stuff will just eat the poop. It's fine. Circle of life
wrenavery90 12
Can't you just go in the back yard?