Today, I was having a Christmas Eve party and my sewer got backed up. Everyone had to go home and now I have to wait until Monday to get it fixed. It's a 15-minute drive to the local McDonald's to take a crap. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom opens at McDonald's, and I go with her to chill before walking to the bus stop. The lobby was closed. I had to shit so bad, I was knocking on the door, and usually they let me in, but nobody noticed. I had to shit so incredibly bad. so… I went into the car and found an old McDonald's cup and some napkins… FML
Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
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Top comments
cj89898 24
Well that's a shi... I'll sto... nope that's overrated too. What do I do now?
staffsgtkiba 5
get a shit bucket
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Comments (18)
moodyreallyrocks 27
Sucks OP! Best of luck..
Tripartita 45
You forgot to put asterisks around the first two words. I'd also recommend getting a room for that sort of thing…
cj89898 24
Well that's a shi... I'll sto... nope that's overrated too. What do I do now?
Cali 57
One of those guests may have a very guilty conscience tonight.
staffsgtkiba 5
get a shit bucket
Tripartita 45
Christ, it must've smelled like a farm. Wait… Christ… farm—that's it! OP, open your house to the public so they can pay for an authentic manger experience on Christmas Eve!
gracehi 33
Sounds like it's time to invest in a chamber pot.
mermaidkeels 26
Couldn't you stay with someone until Monday?
jvanevery 19
liquid plumber oops that's right nothing is open
coolmike699 26
Use a plastic bag inside of a 5 gallon bucket. It's better than most McDonald's bathrooms anyway.
Jay18 22
that stinks