Today, despite being married and renting my own apartment, I can't fulfil my teenage dream of slamming my wife on the sofa and pounding her like cheap mince, all because it would apparently "defile the sofa for the children." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML
Today, I thought I knew what sexual frustration was in my teens, but that was nothing compared to a (due to circumstances, but still) sexless married life, in a shitty economy. I'm so tense, I could tear down a wall with my bare hands right now. FML
Today, I can't sit down for a book or some TV without my wife coming up and moaning at me to "get a hobby, get out of the house once in a while, you never do anything anymore." I have a healthy, balanced social life, but maybe I want to relax in my own house for once. FML
Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML
Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML
Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML
Today, I could easily be any man's dream wife. I'm pretty, smart, devoted, earn well, cook great, keep a clean house, and raise amazing children… but I chose to marry an asshole who keeps hitting me for little to no reason. I'm too scared to raise my kids on my own in this world, or else I would leave. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband's elderly parents getting it on. It’s beautiful they still love each other, I just wish they hadn’t decided to express that love on our living room sofa. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
That sucks man. One of my kids was conceived on the very couch he now plays video games on.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Being compared to cheap mince is a total turn off so I sympathize with her
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Comments (5)
mike3775 39
That sucks man. One of my kids was conceived on the very couch he now plays video games on.
bazjack 26
Yeah, my dad told me that I was conceived on the den couch. We didn't have it anymore by then but it had lasted all through my childhood. Somehow I had never thought I'd been conceived anywhere but a bed.
RichardPencil 32
Is she wrong?
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
No
Brightside86 31
That's a made up excuse if ever there was one. She's just not that into you.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Being compared to cheap mince is a total turn off so I sympathize with her
Anderling 33
Maybe you could split the difference and leave the kids with the grandparents while you rent an airbnb?
Chazzster 32
My first thought is that unless the couch is really big or the people are short, a bed is a lot better place to have sex. You are married, you don’t have to have sex in the second best or third best place to have sex… I get that sometimes people have fantasies and that it may actually not turn out to be as good as in your imagination. I suggest that you try putting a blanket on the couch if this is really important to you and asking your wife if some time when the kids are out of the house you try this fantasy. Frankly I suspect you will find the bed is better. You can always wash the blanket or quilt afterwards and the couch won’t be stained.