Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
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Top comments
shaBAMalex 0
Well hey, you asked. :]
dd3_fml 0
i have a feeling that your boyfriend was the honest one...
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Comments (301)
TigrexTeeth 16
Hope you deliver.
fantasyworld 39
They are still in that lovey dovey stage.
Bgreen94 12
Good man, you know he enjoys you so be happy.
Brandonseal2000 5
Difference between an old relationship and a new one.
mkastl 7
Maybe if you do that for him he will want to chill with you.
KingHyp3 13
What did you think he would say?
KrazyKatz333 15
It's his birthday.... you should be buying him nice things taking him out doing things he likes and spoiling him. that's honestly the least you can do. I bet that's what friends boyfriend is hoping to get out of the evening anyway.
KrazyKatz333 15
Tempted to agree your life sucks because that's what you'll be doing ;-)
AtheistForChrist 11
I don't even have to ask my boyfriend, he just asks for it everyday
T1A2Z3 35
Is it really surprising that your friend's new boyfriend wasn't honest? You know that's what's going to happen anyway...