Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML
Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML
Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
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Top comments
yumgranolabar 5
That's all kinds of nasty.
BabySparkle1 15
Hasn't she ever heard of cleaning the vibrator? Or using vagisil "down there"? That's really disgusting.
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Comments (140)
goodgood_fml 5
If her vibe is still rank after airing out then she needs to go get her cooch checked out by a professional.
Tamz13 2
Sooo gross. Your life definitely sucks. After touching that thing I'd probably go get a shot of antibiotics just to be safe!
perdix 31
Good thing you didn't finger or fist her while you were together. That's a plus!
SeepingSarcasm 7
Did you then proceed to put all her things into trashbags and duct tape it too her car OP?
LuckyLynx7732 5
I would also make sure you don't take care of yourself for a while, at least until you get some gloves or grow some new skin on your hands. God knows what you could catch.
Brizzle420 5
That's just Raunchy! Just Wrong! Talk about a freakn friend with Crotch rot! I'm sorry ur stuck with that memory.
kmt12890 5
Uhuhuhuhuhuhuh
effiestonem154 11
Did you throw up? I think I just did a little -_-
CtotheK 7
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
LarryLaDouche 13
You can brush all you want. But you'll never be clean OP.