Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML
Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML
Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
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Top comments
yumgranolabar 5
That's all kinds of nasty.
BabySparkle1 15
Hasn't she ever heard of cleaning the vibrator? Or using vagisil "down there"? That's really disgusting.
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Comments (140)
yumgranolabar 5
That's all kinds of nasty.
onlychildFTW 34
This couldn't get much more disgusting unless she used it in her back door as well.
TrueTriage 16
1- Your comment made me think of Cleveland Brown saying, "Oh.... That's nasty." But seriously.... Cleaning is a good thing. Might not be fun to do. But it has to be done this is a golden example.... And is totally disgusting...
lottievaughn 5
Seriously, I gagged. I lived with this nasty chick once that screwed me over, so my mom came over and helped me pack up all my stuff and move it while chick was at work. We found THREE shoe boxes FULL of sex toys under the living room couch. Absolutely horrifying. My poor defiled couch. I almost feel OP's pain. Oof, I'm shuddering as I mentally recall all those ******......
Bekll 31
There's nothing wrong with sex toys. OP's FML is that the vibrator wasn't clean... *far* from clean.
doctorhook86 25
I'm curious how it managed to get so stinky...
freshberries22 17
68 I don't want to know how it got that bad. The sheer thought of someone walking around with a smelly cooch or bottom makes me cringe.
justonecomment 2
Duct tape it to her car!
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Like a hood ornament!
sacmaster 11
This whole thing is ******* disgusting.
boofgall 16
Oh Jesus Christ. That should be burned from your memory.
annie_nk 23
Along with the vibrator.
deBlobX 12
Sometimes you want to be part of Harry Potter...
jellycorn 13
Obliviate!
crazedsyco 15
agreed! it would be so nice to use the light, before you look.
kut17 11
Light them on fire. It's the only way.
chatoyant_fml 12
If you're looking for something that obviously smell, wouldn't it be a good idea to use gloves? But then again who expects their friends to be nasty like that.
emag_eht 18
55- OP probably didn't/couldn't look under the bed before reaching under because it was probably dark so she reached her hand in and found it. That is so disgusting. How dirty was that thing that it made the whole room stink?
syley 5
"By fire be purged!"
BabySparkle1 15
Hasn't she ever heard of cleaning the vibrator? Or using vagisil "down there"? That's really disgusting.
just_dandy20 2
#5 vagisil has been proven to cause infections, so it actually wouldn't be a good idea to use that. Probably make it smell worse. More like she should go see a damn OBGYN for that awful stench!
hotshot2626 9
After douching.... Refresh. After intimacy... Refresh.
BabySparkle1 15
I guess everyone is different "down there", but yeah I agree she should definitely get that checked out by a professional.
just_dandy20 2
#24 must be a man...doucheing? No educated young female, or any woman does that anymore. Lol and if they do, well most likely prone to all sorts of "down there infections".
just_dandy20 2
Lmfao sorry...I meant #23 lol 24 you're clearly female.
hotshot2626 9
Yup I am a man. A quick check of my profile would give that away. However I was referring to that funny commercial about a product called "Refresh"
Drigr 9
Its okay 23, I know that commercial too. Maybe only a male will remember it..
Tamz13 2
Umm... They sell special stuff to clean & sanitize those with after they are used. And keeping it on the floor?!? Gross!
patacus 14
31 obviously never saw that commercial. After a douche.... Refresh!
devourerofbooks 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you have to say "down there" you're not old enough to be on the Internet. ******. Get over it. Mostly all women have it.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
^ shit I accidentally thumbed you up
yupitssoph 18
I don't get why you would thumb her down? ******'s not a bad word :) ({})
CoriCat 25
Some people, especially older ones, were taught never to say the word "******" so most people use slang words or other phrases to say it. Everyone thumbed it down because they were being very closed minded.
CoriCat 25
Well, if you would open your mind a little, you'd see that women used to be taught that the word "******" was dirty, and to never talk about their "private places" so a lot of people, especially older women, are very uncomfortable with the word, so they use slang or other phrases to acknowledge their vaginas and vulvas.
SApprentice 34
That's disgusting, I feel so sorry for you.
Elisabethandrine 29
Ohmygod.. I feel sorry for you.. Had it been me, Id lit the thing on fire and told the "friend" to go ******* clean herself and then never talk to her again..
ALlamaOnFire 20
You'd never talk to her again? I agree it's really ******* gross but I wouldn't stop being her friend.
nature_girl_08 14
well, it's possible she herself IS clean, but depending on the material of the toy, it can smell on its own, but not cleaning it makes it smell even worse. but yeah....soooooo gross
Jeffo193 13
Just...drop the thing in hydrochloric acid >_< Jesus i thought i was a slob until i read that!
Elisabethandrine 29
Well, if you are a slob, just, stop beeing one.. Slobs are what drags the world down
SApprentice 34
15- *being, *drag
Jeffo193 13
#15 no, people with spelling and grammar like yours are what is dragging the world down...
emag_eht 18
15- Slobs aren't always females with Satant's ***** under her bed you know.
agonydrum 7
15 tell you what I'll "just stop" being a slob, when you "just stop" being an idiot, because those are the people who really drag the world down
Doortje 30
I just threw up a little. Keep washing your hands OP, eventually you'll feel clean again. Or maybe not :|
Comet_Candy 23
Until the skin is gone, OP will never be clean. Maybe not even then. She needs to be brainwashed of the mental images and memories.
annie_nk 23
Jesus Christ that is disgusting! Anyone who owns a vibrator, ***** or any sort of adult toy should know they need to be cleaned after each use. YUCK!
WmZH 1
Ha Grody! She has more problems than being a slob if that smells that bad.