Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML
Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML
Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
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Top comments
yumgranolabar 5
That's all kinds of nasty.
BabySparkle1 15
Hasn't she ever heard of cleaning the vibrator? Or using vagisil "down there"? That's really disgusting.
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Comments (140)
MistressSuzuka 12
I made sure to check the rest of the house after she left and found no other vibrators of any kind. As to why she never washed it, I still have no idea. I have held off on asking her as our friendship has sort of deteriorated since she moved in with me and I found out how much of a slob she is. I can't stand to think what she does/did with that vibrator, especially with how nasty and smelly it was. I bleached my hands twice, using Lysol kitchen cleanser with bleach in it. Then moisturized my hands thoroughly. I still don't feel clean and have washed my hands many many times since then. >_< *shudders*
asdfghjklkayt 3
I just threw up in my mouth.
aerogxt 7
Let me move in. Neither of you will need a vibrator them ;)
wtactualfuck 2
dis.gust.
auslan2 6
Write a warning for the next person she lives with
timmy257 8
Have you thought about burning you're hands I'm sure robot hands are nice.
marthamydear23 9
bleach your hands twice? oh please...