Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
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Comments (249)
trackrunner525 0
hahahahaha, wow!!!
k1o2a3l4a5 0
dump that fool.
ShenziSixaxis 0
Call off the wedding so he doesn't get a chance to do that to your kids.
CLW_fml 9
YDI for being engaged to a complete moron.
dlogan93 0
what a dumbass. call off that wedding. and your first instinct was to post that story on FML? you must have problems too.
jeanniner 0
uhh dont marry this guy. he sounds incredibly dumb.
greeneye_fml 12
Call off the wedding!
slowpainter 0
Dump him!
randomcomment321 0
theres no need to argue about things unless you have your facts straight. you argue about whether or not the idiot in the story is a man or not, lemme clear that up with a quote from the OP " When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911" yah, "HE". and about the wedding, well there wont be one because the papers are gone, and it could be a while before you get another copy if there is one. plenty of time to rethink your relationship. btw #148 great choice in TV, gives a unrealisticly real look into the world doesnt it? stereotypes appear because things like this happen everyday, and gossip kills.
Tim3 0
kick him in the nuts, then dump him, then sue him I bet you'll win