Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML
Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Steve95401 49
OP's cat is probably the only pussy he'll be getting.
nuggetmonster 12
It looks like you and your cat helped him start his future as a crazy cat man.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (75)
UndeadDenstra 4
The ending made it! and hope he doesent bother you anymore.
Dan85 6
Why would you let him go?
MisterMarkuzy 3
Hahaha probably because of you
Meesersuperman1 4
So many pussy jokes to be made.
doodoo10 10
don't they say when someone's drunk they start speaking the truth? :| sorry OP.
ChazzyWazzy1998 10
This made me laugh out loud!!:D haha
RosenT1990 9
Aaaand that's probably the time you'd want to start thinking about calling the police.
coolhandluke60 6
HahahahhHah he tried to steal your cat hahaha
bunkygirl 0
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh why a pussy ass little shit...
dansco 25
He just wanted to play with your pussy lol