Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
Today, I laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted, which caused me to choke on my Coke, which then caused me to fall off my chair. The joke wasn’t even that funny. FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML
Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
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Top comments
nulls 0
Awesome boss
FMLshark 12
Yeah Spit, what're you doing on FML? Go learn to swallow!!
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Comments (92)
spottyblanket 8
If it makes you uncomfortable and people keep asking about, say your sex life...complain.
sebs4uanytime 0
How come you're all referring to the boss as a "he"? It could also be a girl because the boss said "WE need to teach this girl how to swallow!" Unless of course the boss is a male and is gay.
cynicaloptimist 3
so just show them how good u r at it
LDloodle 2
That's called sexual harassment.
dalilpanther 5
It's better to learn early...
G1ZZY 0
What a horrible boss! Next time, make HIM choke. (sry if u lose ur job tho)
Calyx_fml 22
Um... your life sucks. And then spits.
Jennielee 6
Wow, sexual harassment much?
lesliepalomera 0
Sue him your boss spits lol
New_Colours 3
Wow