Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
Today, I laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted, which caused me to choke on my Coke, which then caused me to fall off my chair. The joke wasn’t even that funny. FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML
Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
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Top comments
nulls 0
Awesome boss
FMLshark 12
Yeah Spit, what're you doing on FML? Go learn to swallow!!
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Comments (92)
nulls 0
Awesome boss
wallandpiece 16
No. Just a mildly sexist joke.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Like a boss
DjaySkar 14
^I see what you did there^ I salute you good sir.
simonsaysYDI 8
Sure he's awesome. He just opened himself up for a nice sexual harassment lawsuit. He better hope OP isn't a jerk.
jagutschlag 3
Wow, seriously!? "He better hope OP isn't a jerk? Since when are you a jerk for reporting blatant sexual harassment? How asinine are you?
PinkieKeen 20
Don't worry, everyone calls me Fire Hydrant at school because I drool when I laugh.
FMLshark 12
Yeah Spit, what're you doing on FML? Go learn to swallow!!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
And if you cant swallow, gargle. Ew, nevermind. Just grossed myself out.
nelds 12
Or just play with it for a bit then swallow :P
saksxalmo 20
I honestly don't understand the obsession with swallowing semen. I mean, it's already out of your body, it's not like it matters what you do with it at that point. It's not like swallowing makes you a better person. :/
Mischief109 11
^ now just to explain this to guys..^
Torva_fml 16
I'm a guy, and I have no extreme desire for anyone to swallow my load.. Yes, it would save me a minute of my time, to clean myself off... But other than that there is no real benefit.
icallbullshit 3
I guess it's a good feeling knowing that, if it's your wife or gf, that they're willing to swallow also less hassle as the mess is already gone!
ganjaranja 10
beats being called cum. see what i did there? ;)
lolmandi 9
Some people need to grow up. Sorry OP.
lopsop 12
Ehh it could be a worse nick name.
lolmandi 9
Very true. It was just immature and rude in my opinion.
IcedJesus 5
Some people need to take a joke.
NiecyLuv365 1
I agree that's childish very.
izzie321 27
If I were her... I'd keep laughing.
IsThatAHorse 5
You're lucky your boss atleast has a sense of humor. FYL OP gonna be hard to live that wrong. Unless you prove them wrong ofcourse..
SkoomaKi 28
Prove it by preforming a massive bukkake?
guitarbeast 22
Well if you wait a little after work, I'm sure he would be happy to teach you how to swallow
supimnyancat 9
Swallow or gtfo.
Torva_fml 16
I guess you should just get the **** off.
prncssevlbunny 4
In all seriousness, you could go to HR if it seriously bothered you- you know, sexual harassment and all. Otherwise, if it's funny to you, too, then I guess your name is Spit!
DocBastard 40
Wow, am I the only one not even faintly amused by this? Seriously, how dare the boss say something so humiliating in front of everyone! He should be ashamed of himself! Besides, everyone knows nice girls take it on their ****, not in their mouths. Isn't that right, Spoogy McCleavage?
sadistmonkey 19
I think that perhaps it's amusing to read as a story on the internet but I'm sure most people wouldn't be amused if this actually happened to them in real life.
sadistmonkey 19
I guess it depends on the environment and situation. Maybe what the boss said would be funny in some cases but not others.
ProhibitionRose 14
That's sexual harassment. Your boss should know better with how many sexual harassment lawsuits there are. Even if it is a friendly work atmosphere they shouldn't be so immature and disrespectful.
reddudeover 2
The boss never said anything sexual. He could have just as easily meant learning how to swallow as in rehabilitation therapy.
ProhibitionRose 14
It's all in how it's said. And judging by everyone's reaction, it was probably said in a way that suggested the boss didn't mean rehabilitation. Almost all jobs make you sit through any anti-sexual harassment video/lesson.
IcedJesus 5
That wouldn't work in a court of law. Nice try tho.
randomhero1398 0
Sexual harassment, panda!
daemonsparta 16
nobody is allowed a little immaturity. op obviously has a thick skin and can take humor. she should get him back with an immature joke if her own, that's how you truly adapt.
uumlaut_strohson 3
everyone just assumed the boss was referring to **** - dirty minds all of you
CaptTeemo 10
Seriously, I didn't think that at first until I read these comments. It makes the FML all that much worse though
DocBastard 40
What the hell else would the boss be referring to with swallow versus spit? Watermelon seeds?
1crabbygirl 10
For once I agree with this guy. Very obviously a sexual reference.
CaptTeemo 10
The drink that's mentioned in the FML is what would be swallowed
eccentrix 12
I also didn't take it sexually at all. I thought it was funny until I realised it was a sex joke.