Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML
Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML
Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
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Top comments
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
His priorities are straight.
jad0016 12
Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good
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Comments (149)
katydid91 31
This scenario should be used in the next Doritos commercial.
glabberfasted 16
There kind of already is a commercial like this. It's not about sex, but they all say "no way," and it's about Doritos.
kday80 2
I laughed at this, then continued to eat my Doritos..
stormzilla993 13
He is not alone in his choices
ahippienamedrae 10
Cover yourself in crushed Doritos and jump on his lap.
Dopeshit_fml 4
lol well that for sure sucks! but that's the cutest ever tbh if i saw it happening infront of me lol
chrts11 3
It's just the way we guys operate food then sex.
mosquito19 14
next time give him some Doritos if he wants sex. I am sorry your husband is a looser.
Dopeshit_fml 4
haha so are you! For being so "loose" on ur words! We're in the ******* idk 22nd century already?? lol or still the 21st? ha! jks. my point when are u ******* idiots going to differenciate *loose from *lose!
SystemofaBlink41 27
I hope for humanity you don't actually think it's the 22nd century...
hi_im_seb6 3
That sounds a lot like it would be a Doritos commercial
Logan_A_Caruso 16
Don't go between a man and his snakes
Gravenmuir 18
I believe she was trying to get his snake by wearing the lingerie. She learned that you don't go between a man and his snacks.
locostaco_balls 7
Next time don't wear lingerie, it just gets in the way or hide the Doritos.