Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML
Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML
Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
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Top comments
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
His priorities are straight.
jad0016 12
Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good
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Comments (149)
Zverina 20
Timing is everything, right? Just wait until he is asleep. You can steal his Doritos and the next time he does the same thing, offer him Doritos as a reward. It is foolproof.
I_Am_Melanie 15
If you have to bribe someone to have sex with you, then is it really worth it?
Edumcg 24
Easy. Next time dress up as a bag of Doritos and BAM you'll have him begging all week ;)
Killz268 18
why not both?
Rawr6591 21
right like bring them with you
nellbell414 13
Do you really blame him?
Moobacca 2
And? Guys sometimes don't want sex. We're not machines.
Emily062611 6
Yeah neither do women but the difference is we don't make it seem like chips are more important than our SO. With these FMLs it's not so much that someone didn't want to (which is normal and okay). It's more that they were a giant dick about it.
nellbell414 13
I don't think he was really being a dick, we don't completely know the situation, he could have played it off as a joke after
foxwasalamb 24
sounds like he knows whats up
mcrepas 19
Doritos: 1 Wife in lingerie: 0
MidnaLink 35
Depends on the flavor of the chips. I, personally, will not say no to Ruffles "All Dressed".
rabbit987654324 17
His reaction may have been in reference to the Doritos ad
Gravenmuir 18
That's fine. Just say no the next time he wants to get laid during The Notebook or Love Actually. He'll see what it's like.