Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML
Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML
Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML
Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML
Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML
Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML
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Top comments
burnforeternity 30
As hard as this would be to explain you should give her one chance to try to explain, if it doesn't add up, take it all, nobody deserves to be cheated on
elementalblood 26
She COULD have been planning on surprising you with it to "spice up the bedroom," as it were.
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Comments (53)
PainRikudo96 9
Maybe the reason your dog swallowing that is because he is trying to tell you something...
pscool 11
They do sell combo ***** **** ring packages at Walgreens maybe she was just using both at the same time to pleasuring herself and got distracted and forgot to put the smaller toy away. If not Dump Her!
rodfergie 18
What Walgreens do you shop at!?!
Andrea Cole 1
Might want to talk to her first. I've gotten several free whenever I purchase an adult toy online. Sometimes you don't get to choose what the free gift is. And it's usually one of those rings.
weeping_willow 25
Ouch, this actually really sucks. I'm sorry, dude.
trucker2 33
OMG... could be solo performance with **** ring on rubber shlong.... And is it possible for the dog to have gotten it else where...
bigtwobah 6
You must be shaking with anger.
shepardkinz 19
You're all assuming he didn't have a conversation with his wife already....
Zanquis 22
We can only work with his details and if she admitted he skipped that part.
species4872 20
And the soon to be ex wife will get the dog no doubt.
Doze15951 5
Depends of the country. Maybe in america, but defenetly not in eastern europe.
Zanquis 22
Kind of jumping the gun here, either you left out loads of details or you have not considered any other options. 1) has the dog ever been outside? Even the backyard counts. It could be something a neighbour tossed out, something your dog found while playing in the park. 2) maybe your wife wanted to spice things up but never got to introducing it yet. 3) i am sure there can be another legitimate reason how the dog got it. Also it might be helpfull to find out the truth for yourself, if she cheated find out why. Cause if you always neglect your wife's needs it will happen again, to many people try to satisfy a partners material needs they forget the emotional or just plain physical needs.
cheshireau 26
God damn. While I don't condone cheating, is there a chance she brought it for you guys to use but hadn't told you? Just looking at possibilities.
Zanquis 22
Maybe she got it asa cheap easy to hide/take along pocket rocket, they are small and vibrate. Sometimes that is all she needs.