Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML
Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML
Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML
Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML
Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML
Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML
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Top comments
burnforeternity 30
As hard as this would be to explain you should give her one chance to try to explain, if it doesn't add up, take it all, nobody deserves to be cheated on
elementalblood 26
She COULD have been planning on surprising you with it to "spice up the bedroom," as it were.
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Comments (53)
dont_know_what_to_put_here 1
take EVERYTHING, nobody deserves to be cheated on.
heavenlyassbutt 11
Dogs have a tendency to eat the weirdest thing and they found them at the dumbest place. Give her a chance to explain.