Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML
Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
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Top comments
zebrapattern 6
be like "Neither are you, which is why you're sitting around the house with a bunch of old hags."
skyeyez9 25
Why are some parents so cruel to their children? Damn. Even if a parent has an ugly child, they should never admit to it! People don't choose how they look when born. You're limited in your appearance even if you have money for plastic surgery. It can only do so much.
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Comments (60)
steelersjackson 0
that sucks!!!
skittle68 0
Maybe it was a blind date lol
knibbsy 4
^ Yeah, as in OP's date is blind. That's the only possibility I can see.
SibyCanFly 0
she's truthful and honest...? seriously, have a little sense of humor and loosen up :)
daaron 3
I love them messed up and to the point go mom btw stop lying so much fyl
waterpolohezy 6
maybe... you should get more dates :D
steelersjackson 0
oh I see, ur mom was jokin with u. or maybe she wasn't.......
mccarty04 0
mabey she was kidding !! I mean it sucks but mabey she's being truth full I mean the truth hurts !
perdix 31
Just convince her that there are desperate, hideous men out there who will scrape the bottom of the barrel for any pussy they can get.
tencentsakiss 19
It's true.
perdix 31
Well, pendatik, when a guy is prone to tennis elbow and masturbation becomes more trouble than it's worth. . . On the plus side, settling for horrible girls has its advantages: you're not likely to catch an STD from someone who is sexually transmitting about once a decade, tops, and you can tell her that lasting for 45 seconds is really great!
perdix 31
pendatik, alcohol helps. So does valuing quantity over quality ;)
skeezle 0
pendatik, your picture make me sick haha
gmc_blossom 21
That put a very weird image in my head perdix, thanks. I guess at least her mom has a sense of humor..unless her mom was dead serious. D:
zebrapattern 6
be like "Neither are you, which is why you're sitting around the house with a bunch of old hags."
manatees_r_epic 0
^ Win
randiZ25 0
so turn into a ****.. that'll teach her?
texasjalapeno_fml 0
^^ win
gossipgirl_4life 0
no effense but ur moms an ass!
youfailed18 0
offense**
LardZilla 11
No effense, but ur a idiot. Go back to kindergarten and learn your grammar.
Person1233 13
"ur a idiot" Please use correct grammar especially when insulting someone else about their grammar. Also, that was a spelling error, not grammar.
LardZilla 11
I used incorrect spelling and grammar to insult the person.
wikkedphuka 0
this is why we stop soundibg out words at 7 ..... that right there.. this comment! ohh but! no effense lmao offense
Doortje 30
You should've said: "yeah, I was wondering the same thing about you, but yet here I am".
mintcar 10
YDI. I am wondering the same thing OP. Must be that thing they call personality. ZING!