Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
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Top comments
honestjane 22
To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.
jbuckets_404 39
Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!
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Comments (19)
Sheogorath 4
Acetone dissolves superglue. Nail polish remover will work, but not as quickly. It has less acetone in it. Cause I'm the kind of person that glues wounds shut and deals with them later. But it'll work for googly eyes too.
slowhandjp 18
I'll try it,too.😄
Tiffani Carter 6
Was it??
bobsanction 18
He's right you know.
WeirdUS 30
It is funny, but you married a man-child.
TexanSpud 12
Trying to get a squidward style nose
HeniousAnus 4
That’s ******* hilarious lol
angus 17
You married an idiot