Today, in our homecoming high school reunion, the batch's "derpina" broke cardinal rule #1, "No +1", by bringing her baby, brandishing her to everyone. When it was my turn, as I held the baby, she said her first word, "Daddy" and just like back in school, everyone started to tease me with her all over again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, I met my ex, whom I have not seen in years, in the airport. She was with a 3 year-old girl who ran to me with open arms, happily saying, "Papa!" Overjoyed, I picked her up, hugging her back, and kissed her. My ex then condescendingly said, "She's NOT yours!" When I asked why, she said, "She calls ALL MEN 'Papa'!" FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML
Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML
Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML
Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML
Today, while planning my baby shower with my mom and sister, our other sister made a huge scene, screaming how no one threw her a party when she adopted a baby, and that my parents should stop referring to mine as their first grandchild since she already gave them one. A puppy. She has a puppy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Can anyone provide a translation, please? I don't speak "Moron".
Taurus_ChicKa 37
From what I gather, the least popular girl in the class brought her baby as a plus one when no one was supposed to bring a plus one, and the kid called OP "daddy" and that caused everyone to tease OP. Sounds like maybe OP and the girl have a history he was always teased about, and this brought it back up.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (1)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Can anyone provide a translation, please? I don't speak "Moron".
Taurus_ChicKa 37
From what I gather, the least popular girl in the class brought her baby as a plus one when no one was supposed to bring a plus one, and the kid called OP "daddy" and that caused everyone to tease OP. Sounds like maybe OP and the girl have a history he was always teased about, and this brought it back up.