Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my upcoming birthday. Mindful of our budget, I said I just wanted to relax at home all day and then get a nice dinner with her. She blew up and yelled that I'm "using my birthday to be a lazy slug." FML
Today, it's was my birthday. My wife did not get me anything or do anything for me. Instead, she said, "I'll knock an extra day off your sex ban." Sadly, this is probably the nicest thing she's done for my birthday in several years. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML
Today, I found a receipt from a lingerie store for some nice garments. When I asked my wife about it, she stammered and said it was a birthday surprise, then got mad at me for ruining it. My birthday isn't for almost ten months and she hasn't been sexual with me for years, much less spontaneous. Nice try. FML
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML
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Top comments
TCRII 30
Tell her that it is perfectly realistic and that you would prefer to have it with her.
mskeptik 12
"Grow up" means she has no respect for you. And it doesn't seem like she has any desire either. You may want to consider asking for divorce for your birthday.
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Comments (18)
Brightside86 31
Clearly you should have aimed higher so you'd start from a better negotiation point. How's she feel about anal?
Soham Patankar 9
divorce?
fjvitt 14
She didn’t tell me that...
sickerthanyou 13
Does she also say “get that thing away from me!”, if yes we may have the same wife
crashtestdumplin 16
See she missed an opportunity here, she could of used that request to buy new lingerie for your birthday.
lifeis4me 20
Grow up? Having sex with your partner that you’re married to seems like one of the most grown up things you can do