Today, after having diarrhoea all week, my girlfriend dragged me to London. Expecting to not be able to find a toilet, I decided to fast for the day. We spent 3 hours wandering the food stalls of Camden market with her friends. So many free samples I had to refuse… FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML
Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML
Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML
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Top comments
Inkoseh 33
Gotta prep that gut with a Pepto chewable between every stall!
RichardPencil 32
At least you can get away with spelling "diarrhea" with a silent "o." You should have run away. Sounds like a situation that requires a devilishly clever adjective. I just can't think of one.
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Comments (7)
tj4234 36
There are toilets everywhere down there. There are public and private ones (by private I mean bars, restaurants, etc).
Inkoseh 33
Gotta prep that gut with a Pepto chewable between every stall!
RichardPencil 32
At least you can get away with spelling "diarrhea" with a silent "o." You should have run away. Sounds like a situation that requires a devilishly clever adjective. I just can't think of one.
species4872 20
Poor thing.
Kurliez408 32
I've been at Camden. That sucks OP, hope you get a makeup trip!
dcharold 11
Really? London is full of toilets. You can barely move for fast food places with toilets, plus public ones (at Camden Town Hall for example), pubs, train stations etc. Also: Imodium dude!
Cali 57
Well enough to walk around but not well enough to enjoy the experience. Major bummer!