Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML
Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML
Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
It could have been worse. At least you didn't accidentally send it to his father.
khaya 9
You should not start a kinky message with: (a) I'm going to stab you. (b) I am out buying a strap on.
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Comments (141)
iLazy 0
Stick to the origin of **** => Heavy breathing.
zakkyzebra 11
I can see it now text to boyfriend: *breathes heavily*
Ratdaddy94 0
Oh shit, I have received that text before. lol
loveofyourlife11 0
haha! WTF?!?! that sucks op. maybe you should try watching some movies or something to get pointers.. :/ idk. I never had a problem with those kind of messages. it just comes to me. keep trying. I'm sure you will get the hang of it. :)
perdix 31
Saying you want to "lick his wee-wee" or you want him to "finger your woo-woo" just isn't sexy. Learn to use the grown-up terms for genitalia and you might get the desired response.
Doortje 30
Just go with it, he'll never have to know. And see if you can pick up some skills somewhere. Also, I'm very curious what you sent him.
Capt_Oblivious 10
Sexting Fail
Goaliefriend 5
haha
ynghzze 0
wtf what did you send him ?
comepoopwithme 0
a text message
EatnBeef 7
^ win of the day
DocBastard 40
OOH i lv u bby, wna tch n sck ur cck. mmmm ya lol Like this?
MissBunny25 0
dear god...
Nimmrodel 11
well I'm turned on now.
HayHayMoose 0
How could you read that? :p
pomplemussy 0
That's a proper sext. But seriously, when you try to be sexy, spell it out. ths is nt atrctve (this is not attractive)
WallyTheWombat 0
it dsnt turn u on wen ppl txt liek dis? the only cool way 2 txt is by usng as little lettrs as possible & nvr press da bckspce buttin. mak sure u spel evryting bad 2.
kinga08 0
I think you should remove kinky from your description since it obviously did not do the trick. It's really not that hard and doesn't require much effort, so I'm kind of dying to know what you sent him. Can't send kinky text messages about things you aren't really thinking about or want to do, seems like you forced it.
WallyTheWombat 0
Doesn't require much effort especially if you're texting a dude. "Baby I'm stopping at the store on the way home, do you need me to pick anything up?" We'll find a way to make it dirty. It's amazing really.
fortgarrison 1
id hate to see how akward you are in person
Landon531 0
You should have sent back a message saying "I WANT TO F*** YOU!!!"
kinga08 0
Right, short and straight to the point, I like it. If a guy doesn't get turned on just by that, then there's something wrong with his penis.