Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was a baby rabbit. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
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Top comments
clovericous 27
Seriously? How stupid can you be? Never come between a mother and her babies.
Ghostrui 31
Ahahah. N'ah no way would anyone actually pick up a wild animal's baby and not expect to be attacked. Nor would they ever consider separating a baby from its mother.
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Comments (15)
CowgirlWithHeart 16
Wild-bred raccoons do not make good pets. Get a domestic bred one if you want one that badly, their lines are being bred for tameness. Though honestly, they are pretty intense too, raccoons are into everything, they're like having destructive toddlers.
kevinwm0 15
At no time have I ever seen a post on this site that was more deserving of the "YOU DESERVED IT" button than this one.
SirEnigM0nk 22
...And the Darwin award goes to...OP!
idragosani 17
Wow, that was pretty ignorant. Wild animals aren't there for you to keep as pets