Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML
Today, I was introducing my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. I meant to say, "Mom, Dad, this is Tom." Instead, I said, "Mom, Dad, this is Mom." My boyfriend is now jokingly reconsidering our relationship, and my parents won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year-old son answered the door and when he saw me said, "Oh great, it's YOU!" and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML
Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML
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Top comments
potatocouch 16
Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.
Welshite 40
And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!
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Comments (52)
jamieblue6 16
At least he's making friends? Haha
potatocouch 16
Make sure to pass "Tom" the salt.
Welshite 40
And the son becomes traumatized at the murder of his best friend. It's dinner AND a show!
Andrewx8 12
Does this "Tom" also live inside a upside-down saltshaker?
jadenjacksonm 14
Friendship comes in many shapes and sizes.
rockeditionbarbi 14
I hear slugs like lettuce. Bon apetit!
hardcorefan16 22
Let him come over and enjoy dinner. Maybe some salt?
trucker2 33
Well at least his new friend isn't a Leach
kowsee 22
He's ten, be glad he wasnt coming home to tell you he's bringing over a pregnant gf... Yeh, i may have taken that a little too far. But at the end of the day, be glad he still has some childhood imagination :). Enjoy it while it lasts!
Mathalamus 25
i hope that never, ever happens. even i have standards as to how "young" couples should be.
DrafteeSelf 24
10 years old bringing a pregnant girlfriend? When i was ten, i still was playing Pokemon cards illegally at recess in my elementary school. Damn, wtf?
kowsee 22
Holy overreaction, lol. People have been getting pregnant and having relationships at all ages forever. I said in my comment that I may have overdid it, calm yourselves. I was trying to look at the bright side. I have two boys myself, and i actually got a giggle out of the fml. But sure, please act like the world is exactly like you were as a kid... Like nobody is doing anything wrong at age 10...
gracehi 33
Could be worse. He could have made friends with a centipede. You just can't trust those many-legged bastards.
geekpower_fml 28
Next time he should befriend a snail... It could actually be dinner. (Seeing as this FML is French)
PeaceTurtle 17
My family did that to my pet cow when I was 5. I've been a vegetarian ever since.
AcieMcG 21
Awe, I was going to make a escargot comment lol
Mortimer14 9
Have your son research his new best friend and write up a report explaining everything he found.
honestjane 22
Way to suck the fun out of childhood.