Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML
Today, after I finished dinner, I was getting ready to wash the dishes, but first I needed to take my vitamins. I accidentally gagged myself and puked in the kitchen sink of dirty dishes. I had to clean vomit and the dishes. I vomited my entire dinner. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML
Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML
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Top comments
tick_tock 0
#8 I hope you are kidding because why on Earth doesn't he deserve to be a dad? He was just playing with his baby. I have pictures of my mother spinning me around in the air and it is something many parents do. Cut him some slack, honestly, at least he didn't drop her when she was vomiting.
ohhboyy 0
babies throw up all the time they're like mini drunks
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Comments (94)
tick_tock 0
#8 I hope you are kidding because why on Earth doesn't he deserve to be a dad? He was just playing with his baby. I have pictures of my mother spinning me around in the air and it is something many parents do. Cut him some slack, honestly, at least he didn't drop her when she was vomiting.
Vasir 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I was not joking. Why the hell would you throw your kid?
athena3100 9
A lot of parents do that. its not like they throw them in the air and walk away. the barely toss them in the air, hands almost still around them. i do that withmy baby cousin all the time. Get over it.
lexajordan33 7
its not throwing. its a game that most babies like. u make it sound abusive. my son has always loved to be tossed and caught he is three now and still breathing.
tdawg91 17
Because he wanted to catch it?? Seriously if no one threw you in the air or spun you around as a child, it's no wonder you're such a sad ****
pancakelover 0
That's disgusting... But why would you spin her around at the dinner table?!?!
j_buggy 0
Hmm... bad idea if the baby just ate.
ohhboyy 0
babies throw up all the time they're like mini drunks
Bizenghastly 0
I. LOVE . YOU. ^_^ I worship your brilliance *bows*
AntiChrist7 0
Darwin says you better not reproduce, too bad it is too late already. YDI
paperfox_fml 0
I'm pretty sure that's not how to impress guests. "OOH LOOK I HAVE A BABY AND I CAN SPIN IT LOOK AT ME SPINNING A BABY HEY I CAN REPRODUCE!" Yeah. No.
Apachefire21 0
#3, your awesome. lololol. that sucks tho, my little brother loves doing that. hahha
kellster 2
That's really incredibly disgusting. Way to have chosen a totally inappropriate place and time to do that! Your baby had probably just eaten recently, too. In fact, I have a funny story like that: my father used to do that to me when I was an infant, apparently (this is hearsay; I really don't recall!), and this one time, my mother warned him not to, as I had just eaten. He was lying on his back on the living room floor, tossing me in the air, and I vomited directly into his mouth. Score for the baby! Sucks that you ruined your wife's hours of cooking and your entire dinner party, though. Wow.
aero_fml 0
Immediate YDI @ "spinning my new baby in the air"