Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML
Today, after I finished dinner, I was getting ready to wash the dishes, but first I needed to take my vitamins. I accidentally gagged myself and puked in the kitchen sink of dirty dishes. I had to clean vomit and the dishes. I vomited my entire dinner. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML
Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML
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Top comments
tick_tock 0
#8 I hope you are kidding because why on Earth doesn't he deserve to be a dad? He was just playing with his baby. I have pictures of my mother spinning me around in the air and it is something many parents do. Cut him some slack, honestly, at least he didn't drop her when she was vomiting.
ohhboyy 0
babies throw up all the time they're like mini drunks
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Comments (94)
aback 5
Should have gone for a trifecta.
newmanlyman3 8
don't do that to a baby you Dumb Ass!!!!
chelzy 0
yeah. #71 is rite. ur gonna kill ur goddamn baby!! look up sbs, or shaken baby syndrome. causes 95% of all infant deaths you bastard!!!
joanjett 0
He's doing it cuz OP likes to eat babies. That bastard.
Bizenghastly 0
73- hun, while you're right that shaking baby syndrome is quite serious, I highly doubt that this "spinning" op mentions is anything near that rigorous. I'm sure it was done PLAYFULLY. that being said PPL PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BABIES UNSHAKEN!!! (prettiii pleases?) ^_^
Big_Blue_Sumthin 0
I'm impressed you didn't drop her. Bravo Dad
kristenlee 3
Should have had a v8.
I2OI3 0
Sympathy spewer! I love it, I've never heard that before but I know exactly what you're talking about! I can see this whole event unfolding too - hilarious, I'd expect to see something like this happen to Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents or something!!
blankslate 0
"Projectile vomit's a real thing!"
Callyn 47
Why did you think this was a good idea?
Ilovelife07 0
bwah ahahaha, the imagery is glorious
Vasir 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You dont deserve to be a dad.
Ahaddad123 27
You are a ****.
One_In_Three 24
You don't deserve to comment.
genius_man16 1
is a "sympathy spewer" someone who throws up in reaction to someone throwing up?
Brittney_E 0
yesss
claireful 4
I had never heard that term before, but I absolutely love it! Confession: I am a sympathy spewer.
lazorzpewpew 0
Hahaha, I love the description! :D