Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Today, my roommate and I had to pay our first installment of rent. He's nowhere to be found. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML
Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML
Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together, I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML
Today, I moved in with my in-laws and don't yet have money to pay rent, so I'm keeping to myself and staying out of trouble. While trying to write a thank you card, I spilled black ink all over the new rug and it bled through to the carpet. I might need to find a new place to live. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
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Top comments
_krystallynn_ 11
i would probably leave. this guy must be a pretty bad roommate if people who live with him kill themselves 0_o
etchsanity1 11
Hmmm girl living with guy suspicious bloodstains .... Get a padlock for your door and a handgun... Or move
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Comments (165)
amerikaninfidel 2
Didn't you check the place out before signing the lease?
yanksby7 6
THANK YOU!!!! Who signs a lease before checking the place out first?!
sens3sfailing 25
That would creep me out sooooo much. Honestly I don't know if I could stay there. Personally I would stay there only until you find a place that you can afford that suits your needs else where...or save up to get the carpet changed if you can't get your roommate to help pay for it(if not completely) and you aren't scared off from that tragic incident.
perdix 31
If your roommate drives you crazy like he did the other guy, you won't have to worry about breaking the lease early. PS: Hey, cheapskate, get the carpet professionally cleaned or replaced.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Black blood? His roommate must have been an alien. Or one of Justin Bieber's clones. Yes, JB has clones. Many people have tried to assassinate him, so he has clones to insure he does not die. This particular clone just couldn't stand being a Bieber clone, so suicide was his only option.
emilyjgraham 34
It would probably be be extreme quantity of blood that was there, blood dries quite dark anyway and we don't know what colour carpet they have. And the Justin Bieber story? was is necessary?
bladedrose 3
Yes the story was! And yes the story was genius!!! Bravo my good chipmunk!
mario2012 18
I have no idea why 17 is getting thumbed down. It was an obvious joke. Also, I found the Justin Beiber joke amusing.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm being thumbed down by Justin Bieber clones.
ManInTheMachine 20
I think not, Chipmunk. There's no way THAT many people like Justin Beiber.
Grimmerie 31
I thumbed you down because suicide isn't funny. :/
Enslaved 38
I wouldn't be able to peacefully stay there. I'd keep looking at that black spot and think "a dead person lost their soul in that very place".
perdix 31
Really? I'd just go to IKEA, get a throw rug to cover the stain, and enjoy my great apartment. Of course, I'd be figuring out how to kill my roommate in self-defense if he tried to play Jedi Mind Tricks on me to get me to kill myself, too.
lilhellian 27
perdix i'm just wondering but do u do sarcasm so much that you actually use outside of fml, when you don't mean to and never realize it?
Enslaved 38
I bet you $1 you were singing that IKEA song when you wrote your comment. Damn you! now I need to find out what IKEA names their throw rugs. I only know that their beds are named "Sultan" and my thrash can is called "Filur". . . Oh and "Steve" the bookcase. :P
perdix 31
#77. No, in my real life, I'm a sweet, lovable guy who goes out of his way to help people. (I just got back from donating blood.) FML gives me a forum where I can let my inner dick run wild, so it doesn't show up in my real life.
RedPillSucks 33
Inner dick? :-|
sens3sfailing 25
Perdix- I feel like you would be really good at sarcastaball...
Rocky007 15
So Enslaved, you undoubtably walk over hundreds of places where someone has died or been buried ever single day.
MalloryKnox 8
80-instead of a trash can you have a "thrash" can? Cool! That's so metal ;)
eolian 1
correction: a soul lost his dead body in that spot
mgates27 3
Leave. Its gross and unsanitary to say least.
lajaynay 15
At least you got a good deal!
jagter 4
My Guess: He's just screwing with you. Aren't there laws about this type of thing. like 'Sunshine cleaning'
Carmstro 13
That would be a terrible joke... Not the greatest first impression.
Karma_Geddon 36
If there isn't there definitely should be, that sort of thing can cause disease for people living there.
The_Thinker 18
Rummage through your new roommate's music collection; were his CDs mainly comprised of ABBA albums and tragic Broadway showtunes? If so, visit a D.I.Y. store ASAP and keep all sharp objects within your perimeter out of reach.
damn_homie 2
Definitely FYL. I wouldn't be able go sleep there. Definitely look at the apartment before you buy.