Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
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Top comments
ultraslick 0
once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.
mrfflrp 0
omg. more like f his life!
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Comments (241)
Yagamiii 0
llooooooooooooooooooooooollll
plexico 4
Circumcision. . . FTW. I prefer my ******** scheduled 48-72 hours in advance. I just hate it when my wife takes out her calendar and says, "I'll pencil you in!" I have to say, "You'd better mean one of those big, fat novelty pencils, bitch!"
Ohemilysaid 0
YDI for having a boyfriend who wasn't circumcised as a kid.
satanicminnow1 1
YDI for having a boyfriend who wasn't mutilated as a child? You're retarded.
DeadMansCrack 4
#28's comment was ridiculous, but seriously, circumcision does not count as mutilation. @ OP--not too smart.
kcslgvr 11
don't you think that her criteria for a boyfriend should involve a bit more than "needs circumcised penis"? that was a really stupid comment.
Waabishkii_ikwe 0
Circumcision definitely DOES count as mutilation. You're chopping off part of a little boy's dick, for pete's sake. It would be mutilation if you removed the clitoral hood and labia of a female infant, would it not?
Shenannigoats 16
What's wrong with being uncircumcised? As long as you keep it clean I really don't see any problem.
mouseintern 0
"Today, my girlfriend gave me a spontaneous *******. That was just great, right up until the end when she decided to get fancy and tried to zip my zipper up with her teeth. We wound up in the emergency room, and I was the one bleeding. FML."
not_my_life 0
Believe it or not, **** does not equal real life. They should have disclaimers on that shit. Please do not try this at home.
annamg 0
Hey, at least she tried. Better than some unenthusiastic girl who doesn't put any effort into it.
shewasalmost18 0
i guess you weren't meant to be a pornstar
WorkSexMonkey 0
I don't feel that move is as sexy as you think. With or without penis mutilation.
ZuraLasgeon 0
That's why you don't try to emulate what you see in ****... lol Poor guy... ouch.
KickTheSky 0
Franks and Beans!!!