Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my husband and I sent our kids out with family and had the house to ourselves after ages. We had awesome sex. I wanted to cuddle while he wanted to take me out to a restaurant to enjoy our day. We argued, he won, and while we left our home arguing, we locked ourselves outside. The locksmith was costly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
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Top comments
Acesarcasm 0
that's pessimistic. have a **** in the backyard, be adventurous.
2random 0
are you attached by the hip ? why didnt just one of you go?
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Comments (65)
plaastik 0
okay, they're right...only the guy should've gone. but look the bright side, it would have been a million times worse that your parents saw you
pulpfiction_fml 3
Do it on the lawn! Give the neighbors a show!
notyou123 0
it's called a backyard people!!!!
Tummy_tumble 0
You can upload FMLs from an iPhone, so that's probally what happened.
Mamzellodrey 0
OMG! I posted that like two years ago and didnt even know it got put up. "family house" cause im a foreigner and I didnt know how to call my host family house^^ Didnt have a car, we went on foot, and yeah only one of us cld have gone, didnt though of that at the time, and we did try to break in...That damn window.. Yeah, no backyard and being creative is Awesome but having a bed is so nice once in a while! Oh, and i just posted it afterward didnt need an iphone OR to have a laptop in my pocket ;D
imma_be_fml 0
you're dumb
Hiimhaileypotter 53
If this is your FML, why is there a different name saying who posted it?
Shawnie Gallant 24
The spelling and the way the sentence was put together, matches how she’s typing things out.
De3z 0
how did you lock the door if the keys were inside...?
teakaceli 0
OBVIOUSLY just use the trampoline...
xfluttershy07 8
maybe they don't have one
soketgo 0
have sex on the outside!
Crazyjoe33 6
time to do it old school style
69_jackson_69 0
Film it. They're running out of the 'outdoor' category on Pornhub.