Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, after thinking I was done with my diarrhea because my last fart was a dry one, I let loose with what was gonna be a good fart. It wasn’t. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
GeekLogic 0
A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?
Fmypanda 0
**** your husband's life.
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Comments (85)
MrJojobinks 6
nasty!
shanniemac 2
Bwahaha!!! Awesome in gross sort of way.
lanken84 1
I bet he never slaps your ass again
DUBSTEP_WUB_WUB 1
Dubstep: it does things to you
fizzypops123 12
Well at least he's your hubby, by know he knows you're not perfect .. Worse and grosser things will happen
octaviamarieb 18
so.. what you are saying is.. he slapped the shit out of you?
cluch3 22
Hagahahahahaha
THE_AJ26 11
You know there's something wrong when your butt's twitching and your not twerking....
prettygurl89 16
Oh. My. God.
rosiedreams94 7
Well that's a shitty way to start off the morning. lol. I've heard of way worse happening so it'll be ok. Besides it sound like your husband totally deserves it.