Intimacy: Clenched - FML

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

agreeclassic 31 822

vote type 1 3 950

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Breathtaking view

By Anonymous - 04/11/2025 00:00

Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML

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Hilarious

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

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Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

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By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

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Crack wars

By Grimmy - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

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Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

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Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

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By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

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The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

GeekLogic 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Fmypanda 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

**** your husband's life.

Comments

tonyihopness 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:26

wow I just got turned off at the end

WougieBougie 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:44

I bet that got your husband going. lmao

doownats 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 6:06

gross

ipath5 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 6:32

this should be your husband's fml

hrtstealer 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 6:56

That's hot!!

FortuneFaded 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 6:59

Oh man, not nice!

supmofukka 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 7:38

ugh poor guy, all he wanted was some ass

cadeissoscene 0

Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:32

indeed poor him

Dante15 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 8:35

You should've moved or told him that your nasty ass was about to blow

tooclassy 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 8:43

HA

terror_twins 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 9:16

I feel bad for you.

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agreeclassic 35 656

vote type 1 3 022

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

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Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

agreeclassic 9 686

vote type 1 42 622

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

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Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my mum and dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

agreeclassic 30 007

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agreeclassic 916

vote type 1 149