Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to pull down my panties with his teeth but it proved more difficult than he thought, so he got a real good mouthful and gave it a really hard pull. They did come down, but he also pulled out what felt like half my pubes. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
How can it be a slap in the face when his penis seems too small to do that to you? Be honest with him and tell him it's best ti break up because he cannot satisfy you 🤷♂️
SirEnigM0nk 22
Maybe work with him to improve his tongue game before dumping him? With practice that can get better.
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Comments (9)
cuz803 46
How can it be a slap in the face when his penis seems too small to do that to you? Be honest with him and tell him it's best ti break up because he cannot satisfy you 🤷♂️
The_Real_Cvh 10
Daaaaamn…. How big is your thumb? Must be freakish walking around with a thumb that’s bigger than a dick.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Maybe work with him to improve his tongue game before dumping him? With practice that can get better.
Chazzster 32
Bad as this situation is, imagine if you were married before finding out there is a sexual incompatibility issue… I agree that maybe with practice and patience, OP’s boyfriend could most likely improve his tongue technique. And sometimes that’s enough…
RichardPencil 32
Guys with little dicks need love, too. Not that I, uh...never mind.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Too late dude, the cat's out of the bag.
Vesi 30
Alright.. in this day and age there is SOOO much more than just a dick or a tongue. Fingers, for instance and they won't get as tired as quickly as a tongue, there are a LOT of toys that can be used for interactive play.. the sky is literally the limit! Having a micro-pe nis is not the end of a relationship if you have great chemistry otherwise.
ODBeefalo 10
Just wanted to update you, people have started into orbit travel at this time... so space is the new limit. even more reason for OP to give her bf a chance
Brightside86 31
Plot twist OP holds the world record for longest thumbs.