Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend back to my place, but my abusive, homeless dad, who I haven’t spoken to in a year, had broken in to have sex with some woman in my front room, before both passing out on heroin. My girlfriend saw my dad's penis and drug stuff, and left me to clean him up. FML
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Top comments
givants 0
hey, look T the bright side... you had sex dude, with a princess!!!
perdix 31
Did he drive you in a car, or with a golf club? Those SEALs are legendarily tough.
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Comments (118)
jonny2x4 0
Was the "little princess" hot?
mind_geek 15
no she was 2
hockeykid30 1
that's like wat happened wit me parents got home early caught us but I didn't fall
hockeyhouse 5
At least you lived to tell about it.
temescal 0
Did you make small talk in the car to ease the tension?
frankNchunks 4
navy seals are the pansies of the military. don't be scared if them. if it was a Marine, THEN I would be scared
dudemanbro7 0
seals train marines ya hole. the only thing a marine is good for is sayin shit he can't back up and drinking all the beer.
TiNyBuBbLeZ 0
haha no
Demotivator 2
No 29, regular navy are the pansies. Navy seals are badass. They have better training than alot of the marines
thebadman_fml 0
your a ******* moron
quietlytearful 0
a girl? is she your girlfriend or is she just "a girl"?
saddgurl 0
That's what I was thinking
xosKsxo 0
hahahahahahahaha I have no sympathy for you ******* dick wad you screw a girl and don't even call her anything but GIRL no wonder why her father hates you son of a bitch
bk_chick13 0
I bet you showed up with more than just a broken ankle
yourlifesfucked 0
how is it his fault people? i mean ya, probly coulda picked a better spot to do it than her house but last i checked it takes 2 people to have sex. op it sucks he found out but at least he was taking you to the hospital alrdy lol
Myjestic1980 5
and yet you live to tell...