Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
white16sox 19
What what in the butt?
Ballplayer3313 3
RHYNO HUMP!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (131)
H00SIERBOY 0
Karma's a bitch.
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Just make sure that bitch is beautiful...she will by lil Wayne haha
H00SIERBOY 0
haha for sure.
raphanne_fml 33
Is the spider ok? By the way, you so deserved this one! Mwahaha!
tj4234 36
YDI. Now get off my internetz
uprising_fml 0
you deserve it for being a dick brother .
brookwick 0
Why do you figure it's a guy ?
uprising_fml 0
I stand corrected: OP you deserve it for being a dick/bitch . better ? :p
8sq 13
spidey likey them boobies
trishmg12 4
karma will come back and bite you in the ass.
gimp21_11 0
Or throw you into a wall
gamerhead 3
Why does every one blame Karma? What did she do to you?
jojolopez97 0
Ydi for being a jerk xDD
gleeklove 2
Kinda ur fault in the first place...
kaya1234 0
I sympathise, your life sucks! I would have done the same and then died of spider grossness at the end
Egnar 19
I don't understand the common trend in FMLs to put the phrase "thought it would be funny" before an act that is either 1) Violent without any practical joke recourse or 2) Reckless without any humor involved. I get doing something reckless or causing a minor bit of pain for joke value when it's necessary but this is just mean spirited and you deserve it to the fullest, if not fuller extent. Lets review: Causing harm to somebody for no reason is "NOT" funny. IE, Kneeing your sister in the ass while she's bent over [which was probably to make her lose her balance and fall] However, Kneeing your sister in the ass so she falls over because she's bending right over a table that just so happens to have a strategically placed circus style creme pie resting on it so that she falls into it and ends up looking like a clown may be a bit funny. . . .no pie?. . no funny.
white16sox 19
Just to bring back an old FML, tl,dr.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Definitely tl;dr. I even tried to skim to get the drift of your essay, but it was to no avail, and I ended up writing this instead.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Definitely tl;dr. I even tried to skim to get the drift of your essay, but it was to no avail, and I ended up writing this instead.
RafaelDeLaGhetto 3
Quit being lazy *****. No one cares if you have ADHD and can't read a paragraph or two; it takes 20 seconds to read if you're not retarded. You're what's wrong with society. Inb4tl;dr
white16sox 19
I was making a joke I did read it.
Egnar 19
Rafael is right, I timed myself. Took roughly 20 seconds to reread it. Guess I should stick to horrible puns in order to be relevant on FML.
white16sox 19
I read the post god dammit. I was merely making a reference to an old fml. Rafael you over reacted it was a joke. You are just making an ass of youself.
white16sox 19
I read the post god dammit. I was merely making a reference to an old fml. Rafael you over reacted it was a joke. You are just making an ass of youself.
fatraptorjesus13 9
98 he has a point references don't go well on the Internet