Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
Tarion 0
You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.
Tri_fml 5
Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d
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Comments (95)
Tenantry 0
Might want to thinking about quiting?
ubbernoob 0
my dad told me to never come in at night. . . because if he thought he heard someone breaking in he would just shoot first and ask questions later.
dang_fml 0
LOL! sucks for you
TheKitchenSink 0
You can sue, you know
Dratichu 13
Because suing your dad is a great idea
JustAGirl_fml 0
Better his fist than a gun, like some other tragic stories.
Easy_Target 0
"Nice lawsuit, huh, dad?"
KT33 0
Stop suggesting that people sue for EVERYTHING. This is certainly not worthy of a lawsuit...
OhHai 0
Just about anyone can knock someone out when theyre not paying attention and you can hit them as hard as you want...So everyone who says "OWNDED LO L U G0t KNOcked OUT1!11" are all idiots.
vampyr8 0
Lmao. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but it would in fact appear that smoking kills in more ways than one.
vampyr8 0
It's amazing how many people can't laugh at their own (or other's - as the case may be) stupidity, and would instead say, "Sue them" "I'd sue" etc. It's retarded. Seriously, people, ever wonder why American's are considered so amazingly stupid to pretty much everyone else in the world? Plus, he's the FATHER. What good would come of tearing the family apart over a cigarette by involving a law suit? This is FML - people don't post on here to hear that "you should sue." Grow up.