Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
Tarion 0
You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.
Tri_fml 5
Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d
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Comments (95)
Kurlzz 0
LMAOO, sorry, but thats hilarious.
5pawn13 0
You deserved it for being a smoker.
Jackthestripper 0
Ok 3 things. 1. You deserve it for smoking. 2. No offense, but your dad's a wanker. 3. Your dad ROCKS!!
kaveman 0
This is by far the funniest FML I've ever seen. kudos
Ncclover 0
Lol #1 is right. If u didnt smoke that wouldmt have happen
MikuHatsune_fml 0
Well that sucks for you wwwww
lastminuteperm 0
YDI for being a smoker.
legendofdon 0
YDI for looking like a creeper
loquita_fml 0
Why does everyone think these are made up? This kind of shit, you just can't make up. You know what they say...it's the weird shit that really happens.
logogo85 0
all u ******* who are like 'u deserve it for smoking' can shut the hell up. u all just don't have any balls, and ur scared to put anything naughty in your body
Fentown_fml 4
... how do you figure polluting your body makes you a badass? It just makes you an idiot.