Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
Tarion 0
You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.
Tri_fml 5
Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d
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Comments (95)
Komarii 0
Wow, your dad just made you his bitch. You realize you're gonna have to jump him now, right?
HOLLAcaust 0
Agreed with number 6 lol
Lou_Briccant 0
At least you know your dad can **** someone up. Your dad is an winner.
deardaniel_fml 0
this is made up as well..
drumber42 0
funny anecdote kinda sucks and musta hurt but I don't rly consider this a FML, just a funny story
jhorn1101 0
#36 i would have to disagree. it may be a bad habit. i may discust some people, but its definitely not unmanly. if thats the case the john wayne wasnt manly. anyone wanna argue that?
12mp04 0
That's what you get for smoking!
Zooma_fml 0
you live with your dad, and smoke. How ******* pathetic. FYL
kraezeeAcE 0
Hahaha LOL, your dad has a good sense of humor
humorizer 14
23, you'd be surprised.