Today, it's been over three months since my housemates ended their one month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's been two weeks since one of my roommates moved out. Despite me telling the postal service he no longer lives here, they're still knocking on my door almost every day with urgent letters addressed to him. I have no idea where he lives now, and am wondering what the fuck he was up to here. FML
Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML
Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML
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Top comments
datoismyname 22
I think it's time for you to move.
Zebediabolical 45
Call the police. Nothing good is going to come out of letting this slide.
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Comments (142)
1crabbygirl 10
Picking the bathroom lock is crossing a very serious line! He needs to GO, but this is your three's problem to handle, not the landlord's. You will probably be $ responsible for changing the locks. You signed paperwork that stated, basically, that this living situation wouldn't go Springer.
hapy_pig098 13
Haha i love jerry springer.....
limitedition 25
Somebody forgot his crazy pills today.
BellaBelle_fml 23
And yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that…
limitedition 25
Excellent point
Ambient25 25
She needs to put ColonBlow in his favorite milkshake
olpally 33
Good god! Get a restraining order! He's clearly got issues.
luckshotpro 12
You really need to throw him out.
perdix 31
Tell him you'd be willing to "role play" as her for a hot shower sex scene, so he can be ready for the real deal ;)
error404n0tf0und 21
think you read it wrong
clueless05 12
No he didn't. He's just attempting to be funny.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Perdix... You ain't slippin' man. You're slipped.
interesting33 37
What was he going to do if it was her? That isn't good... tell the management at uni and ask for a restraining order and a house move for him :)
peacelovecoffee 20
Where does it say they're at uni?
interesting33 37
It doesn't.. I assumed because of the whole housemate thing. Good point though.
c4rpi0 20
And they only went out for a month??
nrandell 4
I think it's funny how you hid the word **** but not *******
KLeePrice 11
I know a lot of people who are more offended by that word..
Doutze 5
Guess it's time for him to move on, and for you to move out!