Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML
Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML
Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
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Top comments
NBS93 0
Good dog.
Bartimaeus 7
THAT'S why you throw it away in the outside trash can with the big lockable lid that is secured in that little area next to your garage... at least that's where I'd put it... not that I was there or anything...
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Comments (68)
Ninjafriends 1
That's why you have to swallow the evidence. YDI for not swallowing.
RedPillSucks 33
Swallowing condoms would be nasty. OP should have said they were making balloon animals and used up all the balloons.
Wuhuh 0
I guess your dog wanted milk? And whose to say cats are the only ones that like fish?
jazziness 12
I don't get it
untoward 0
old used condoms smell awful. but how would I know.
Suavis 4
burn:)
uhhohh5252 0
haha succkss
Miriah34 0
why would u swallow a condom?
anonymous_riot 0
to get rid of the evidencee...duh
teamdamon 0
at least they'll be happy your being safe
Ninjafriends 1
It could have been your parent's used condom. Would that be less of an FML?
Bartimaeus 7
THAT'S why you throw it away in the outside trash can with the big lockable lid that is secured in that little area next to your garage... at least that's where I'd put it... not that I was there or anything...
perdix 31
Well, you probably were sleeping in the literal sense in separate rooms, but you were filling up the condoms in the same room. Unless, you have glory holes at your house, and seeing how it's New Jersey, I wouldn't be surprised.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
#12, it's an inside joke. Go to the FML about the boyfriend calling her fat and wanting to take pix of his cat, and read the thread for comment #3
bobkim302 0
Why would you have sex in your mom and dads house anyway. unless you are married. What happened to respect
snickerpuss 9
Where else should we have sex then ?
macskapingvin 0
In the street, of course!
truthinlies 1
or the bus
InBetweenDreams 0
Or, there's always the backseat of your car. That's always romantic. :P