Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to confess my bulimia to my girlfriend of three months. It's a touchy subject for me and I ended up in tears. When I was done talking, I looked up to see my girlfriend's disgusted face. She claimed I had a 'vomit fetish', said I was 'half a man' and broke up with me. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
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Top comments
C8H18 33
Eating a lot right before doing something that has a high chance of making you gag? Ya, you deserve that one.
iamdman 22
Yeah I would agree your life sucks. Try not to get too blue. Stiff upper lip and all that. Have to swallow your pride and move on. Ok I getting on my own nerves with my puns now.
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Comments (28)
LostSoul 20
What size of tub? If you getting suck scares him off, run away fast. God forbid this guy has kids or gets a pet.
mfranks19891989 10
Wow I was expecting you to get diarrhea and have an accident while having sex not sure which is worse. Why the hell did you get a tub of blueberries before sex.
Sinshine 28
Ok so what is up with all the ancient FMLs being listed as new ones?
BurnInDemonFire 39
No idea. We're five weeks from 2020, and they're posting from 3 1/2 years ago. Maybe Alan's gone rogue.
Gubbon 17
Lack of original content.
E2dav 5
That's a bit extreme of him. Could just give you a pass & try again next time. Oh well, time to find another hook up
ftpallday666 16
**** that asshole!! He’s lucky you went so far into your gag reflex. Shit like this happens. **** that dude, get someone you deserve.
BlueSteele220 31
don't you mean grindr?
indienerdgirl 27
Who the **** eats a whole tub of blue berries??? A whole tub! Who does that when you know you're gonna be sucking dick? You deserve this one
maiyapapaiya13 9
That happened to me after Taco Bell And started crying but my boyfriend told me that he still loved me And that it doesn’t change anything now it is 9 months later and we are expecting a baby in 8 weeks and we are still perfectly fine.