Bovine

WTF dude?

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

Honky

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

Barf

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

Turn of phrase

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML