Today, I didn’t get to have Valentine's sex because the dog we just rescued is so attached to my husband that she tries to bite me every time I go near him. I seriously don’t think I’ve touched my husband once in over a week, and I’ve been bitten twice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog-obsessed wife complained that we never have sex anymore. Call me crazy but constantly hearing her say how dogs are better than husbands, sleeping with three huge dogs in bed every night, and watching her shove her tongue in the dogs’ mouths doesn’t exactly whip me into a sexual frenzy. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, and ever since my girlfriend insisted we needed a dog, our lives have been taken over by the little bastard. She can’t leave without him chewing everything from separation anxiety. He bites me if I so much as walk near him. Neither of us want him anymore but she feels too guilty to rehome him. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML
Today, I've come to the realization that my girlfriend's mini Australian Shepherd dictates everything, from a hug and kiss goodbye, to when we try to have sex. The worst part is she won't do anything about it. Looks like another night with the damn dog between us… FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tiptoppc 21
You might need to earn the dogs trust, and second, your husband needs to show the dog it’s not acceptable. There are ways to do this such as using a kennel it snaps to put dog in temporarily when it doesn’t obey rules. Think like 5-10 minutes before letting it out. I did this with a cat we rescued that would bite. So I’d leave when it did that, but came back 10 minutes later. She’s now the sweetest thing, but if the dog has trust issues, you might need to find a way to show it that it can trust you. That’s a separate issue than why your partner allows the dog to do this.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (1)
tiptoppc 21
You might need to earn the dogs trust, and second, your husband needs to show the dog it’s not acceptable. There are ways to do this such as using a kennel it snaps to put dog in temporarily when it doesn’t obey rules. Think like 5-10 minutes before letting it out. I did this with a cat we rescued that would bite. So I’d leave when it did that, but came back 10 minutes later. She’s now the sweetest thing, but if the dog has trust issues, you might need to find a way to show it that it can trust you. That’s a separate issue than why your partner allows the dog to do this.