Today, I learned that when my partner says, "Let's cuddle up, watch something and spend the night together," he means ,"I'm gonna wank and fall asleep at 8.30 with my phone playing videos." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy who insisted we watch a film at his place. I agreed, despite feeling wary of a potential trap. Halfway through the film, he fell asleep and started snoring. When he woke up, he blamed me for “keeping him up all night.” I was there for less than an hour. FML
Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
What a wanker....
RichardPencil 32
Plenty of time for you to go out to the pubs and get some.
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Comments (4)
Plop 17
What a wanker....
Brandy Plapp 17
Lmao 😂
Major Ahull 3
There's a thing called a "Danger wank", where you call someone and try to knock one out before they get there and catch you. Maybe he was doing this. If so, you should be supportive that he accomplished his goals. Otherwise, you could ruin his self-esteem.
taylor_b22 7
How could that ruin his self esteem? He was stupid enough to rub one out with a real life female on the way HE would deserve that fml,, just as they deserve this one 💯💯
RichardPencil 32
Plenty of time for you to go out to the pubs and get some.
DarkJester200278 1
Why do you think he'd settle for a wank instead?